June 3, 2012

My dad just emailed me this huge list of puns oh my god

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

Broken pencils are pointless.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

The earthquake in Washington obviously was the Government's fault.

Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.

June 2, 2012

News in Britain:

Stamps have gone up 14 pence

News in Canada:

Moose on the loose downtown

News in America:

Cannibal eats man's face

Britain:

wat.

News in America:

Man throws intestines at police

Britain:

wat

News in America:

Man eats roommate's heart and brain

News in Canada:

Porn star murders lover and mails body parts to government headquarters.

Britain:

Shit Canada.

America:

You fucked up.

Anonymous asked: are you planning to go see 'the beatles: the lost concert' film?

No I am not.